Limerence
by IchBinAufKurs
Summary: Things don't always end up the way we want them to. Some things stay the same, but some things change.
1. Cognitive Dissonance

**Author's Note: It wasn't meant to be a sequel to Nostalgia, but that's what it's become I guess. You don't have to read Nostalgia to understand this one.**

* * *

Alvin smiled at a memory as he sat on the tree where he & Simon shared their first kiss as a couple, their initials clearly carved on its trunk. Memories swarmed through his mind of when Simon first told him he loved him, their first kiss, the things they'd done together, watching one another grow and change over time, no one could replace that. They were as close as two lovers could be. They knew everything about each other. Whenever one of them was feeling down, the other knew just how to bring him back up again.

If Simon was feeling depressed, Alvin's attitude would cheer him up, reminding him that everything would stay the same; whatever it was that made him feel sad was only a passing thing, and the important things would always stay by his side.

And no matter what it was that made Alvin sad, Simon would always have a story to tell that would open his eyes to a new perspective of the problem, making the experience a positive one.

A tear strolled down his cheek as he acknowledged that it was all gone now. He had fallen short of expectations. Simon's voice echoed in his mind, reminding him of what he'd lost; it whispered, "_Hey._"

_Simon, along with the others, had been telling Dave about the adventures they had on the island as they sat on the helicopter, which was bringing them back to their destination. Simon turned to Alvin who was just sitting there silently next to him._

_It was easy to tell that he was in deep thought, but Simon looked closely and saw something hiding behind his eyes. That's when he called out to him, watching Alvin turn to him he said, "I would say getting us stuck in this island is the worst thing that's ever gonna happen to us, but I could expect worse things from you."_

_Alvin smiled at Simon's remark and laid his head against Simon's shoulder. "I'm just glad you're all safe."_

_Simon wrapped his arm around Alvin and placed his hand on his head, gently ruffling his hair. "We'll be laughing about this a year from now, you'll see."_

It seemed that all hope of gaining him back was lost, but Alvin still had a lingering flame, fighting to stay alive and that's what drove him to go talk to him.

* * *

It was just as he feared, no matter how much Simon wanted it to, he knew it wouldn't work. Everything that set Alvin apart, everything that made him who he was, and everything he liked about him was slowly being destroyed and he felt like it was all his fault; he felt like he was destroying the very chipmunk he fell in love with.

He knew it was tough. It was the first time either of them had ever been in love. Alvin was probably blaming himself, but it wasn't his fault. If anything, Alvin had succeeded at what he was trying to do, but in the process Alvin had stopped being the cheerful chipmunk he used to be. Alvin thought that in order for his relationship with Simon to work he'd have to stop doing small things that annoyed him, so he completely stopped showing affection because Simon himself wasn't very affectionate. If anyone was to be blamed, Simon would blame himself.

"Simon?" he heard Alvin call out as he neared his location.

Simon could hardly believe he had the courage to call it off earlier that day and he didn't feel like discussing this any further, so he tried to get away, but it was too late.

"Si?" Alvin called out as he spotted him. Approaching him he said, "I know nothing I say is gonna take back what I did, I just- I-"

"Don't." Simon said almost immediately.

Alvin knew arguing would only make things worse in situations like these, so he stayed quiet for a while, but he couldn't help himself and finished, "I need some guidance."

As he spoke those words Simon noticed that Alvin thought it was something he'd done, so he decided to take advantage of the situation. He knew that what he was about to do was for the best in the long run because Alvin wasn't changing, he was being destroyed.

"You think this is easy for me?" Simon asked as he stared directly into his eyes, which projected a level of understanding.

The tone of Simon's voice as he spoke those words left Alvin breathless, he would never forget it.

"I can change, Si." Alvin half whispered.

Simon turned to leave.

As a small sentiment, Alvin tried to stop him."Simon, don't-"

"Alvin, please. Just let go of me."

He did, and just as Simon took a few steps he came to a stop and said,

"Do me a favor, Alvin. You can hold your grudge on me, just don't change."

Alvin stood there, confused at his statement. "B-but"

"Goodbye, Alvin."

* * *

Alvin couldn't help but wonder if Simon was trying to get him to understand that he easily lost himself in trying to please everybody and by doing so, he left him behind.

He took the long way home, thinking about all the things he'd said. The words "don't change" ringing in his ear, making him confused. He didn't understand how it was possible for him to feel that way. He tried to show Simon that he was willing to change for him, so why would he say those words? One thing was for sure, he hated himself for not being good enough for Simon. Alvin didn't know how to show love, not in a way Simon would appreciate anyway.

As he sat on the tree on their back yard, replaying all those small motions of the night they spent there, his pulse quickened again. He would miss company, but most of all their small, yet playful arguments that they had.

Alvin looked up at the sky and noticed that the vibrant colors it used to have were gone.

"_You made my day, Alvin._" Simon's laugh echoed across the corner of his mind.

Out of pure hopelessness he thought to himself, '_maybe I'll get drunk again.. for nostalgic reasons.. to feel love again._'

_"And the world continues to grow on the seeds of a broken heart."_  
- 'Lokaou Augunum' by Olafur Arnalds

* * *

**Author's Note: I have already planned the entire story. 80% of it is already done, so I will be posting one every Thursday. I just wanna go over some small things before I publish it. There's a new poll in my profile if you wanna vote for which story I should write after this one. Oh, and I made a few edits to my other stories; nothing that big, just fixing some small stuff. If something is missing or out of place, let me know and I'll fix it. The devil is in the details.**


	2. Confirmation Bias & Antiprocess

**Author's Note: This chapter is not perfect. I still need to edit a little, but I promised to keep my word about once a week, so here is what I got.**

* * *

"It's okay Alvin, these things happen. Some people just aren't meant to be." He heard Simon's voice whisper as he woke up from his dream; hearing to his voice brought him comfort, but he was soon startled by those last words. He opened his eyes, looked up and saw Brittany sitting next to him. The voice that once sounded like Simon's slowly faded to hers as he replayed those last few words in his head.

He sat down, a little startled and worried about finding himself in Brittany's bed.

Brittany rolled her eyes and explained, "Relax. We didn't do anything. You came home late at night, you were mumbling a lot. You mentioned something about Simon breaking up with you, something about your destiny and.. reading? You wanted me to help you, but before you could say with what you crashed out on my bed. You looked really tired."

Alvin couldn't remember how he ended up there, but he did recall something he wanted to do.

"You were talking during your sleep." Brittany paused, "I was just trying to comfort you."

He stayed silent.

"Alvin, if you're not gonna listen to me, then why did you come to me?"

"Have you ever heard about _Madame_ _Raya_?"

"Isn't it that gypsy that hosts a tv show?"

He nodded.

"What about her?"

"Well, she's in town and I was wondering if-"

"Oh, Alvin." She hastily interrupted, knowing where the conversation was heading.

"I don't wanna go by myself."

"I don't know, Alvin." She said, considering his request.

"Please. I helped you once before. You don't know what it's like. I need to know."

* * *

He stood there in awe as she flipped the cards accordingly, watching as the first cards reveal themselves as 'The Lovers', 'The Devil', and 'The Hanged Man'; she flipped the rest and all but two were left facing down.

"You have recently suffered a loss, is this correct?" She asked as she looked at Alvin who sat there in admiration of the accuracy.

"Yes" Alvin said nervously. Brittany looked like she couldn't wait to get it over with.

"This has caused you pain and to cope with it you have been reflecting on your past."

Alvin gave Brittany a confused look, as if he wasn't expecting it to work, but it had.

"You have two paths ahead of you. One of them says that it is your destiny to be with this one soul."

"See, I told you!" Alvin whispered to Brittany, nudging her on the shoulder.

"But there seems to be an inconsistency." She remarked, "It seems that the two of you were soul mates in a past life, but not this life."

Alvin's enthusiasm shifted to gloom as he heard those words; Brittany felt sympathy for his sudden change of emotion, but they both listened closely to what she had to say next.

"The path of sacrifice will lead you to a new life." She spoke as she pointed at _The Hanged Man_. "Now this path usually doesn't end well, that's why I've kept myself from flipping the last card on this deck, but it seems like the best path to take if you ask me."

He looked nervous as he saw that his other path was _The Devil._

"The road of ignorance will lead you to someone who will have deep understanding, a compassionate being that will eventually lead you to emotional fulfillment. Things end up far less successfully when people take this path, so I'm just going to give you the benefit of the doubt by not flipping the card as well, but no matter which path you take, there will be times when you're filled with worry and anxiety, but all that will eventually lead to- You see this Page of Cups?" Alvin nodded. "It means that you will be in intimate communication and develop new feelings."

She collected her money and showed them out the front door, giving them the reason as to why she didn't finish the reading.

"Revealing the last cards might set you on the wrong path. It is not uncommon for people to ruin its chance of happening by trying to make it happen. If you really want to change the way things are going, set a goal in your life and go for it."

* * *

"Brittany, I don't know what to do. You have to help me. Please, if you don't want me to end up taking the wrong path then you've got to help me choose. What should I do?"

"Alvin, calm down. Don't you think you're going a little too far? We don't even know if this is real or not. "

"But I shuffled the cards. It can't be a coincidence."

"Okay, lets take a step back. We have to be reasonable about this. What would Simon think?"

"He would probably remain skeptical, but even he wouldn't be able to deny that her answers closely match with what's going on in my life."

Brittany couldn't argue with that, so she posed a new way of looking at the situation.

"What if the page of cups is me?" She asked curiously.

He hadn't looked at it that way. "No. I-it can't be,"

He felt Brittany pull him close as her lips meet his; he thought back to his first kiss with Simon. His actions revealing something he did not yet know existed, the crowd's cheers were heard across the stadium, a flash capturing the moment, and then he stepped back to reality.

She felt Alvin's hands gently push her aside. When they broke the kiss he looked down sadly.

Her eyes reflected hopes of possibly having ignited the spark of their unacquainted love with her kiss, but she hadn't.

"Brittany," he said with as much empathy as he could, "you don't understand, it has to be him."

She looked away and sighed.

"Please Britt, I need your help. You can have-"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Help me win him back. Help me become somebody else."

* * *

"Change doesn't happen overnight." Brittany insisted as they headed to an isolated bowling alley.

They didn't go there to bowl, but because they needed a place where they could talk privately. Their home would've been too suspicious and he didn't want his family getting the wrong idea. He this place wasn't very far from where they'd met Madame Raya anyway. But to much of their surprise, some sort of event seemed to be going on. For being the place that it was 40 people meant it was packed; Theodore & Eleanor were there too.

"Theo? What are you doing here?"

"We were looking for you. We thought you'd be here since some of your friends are performing here."

_"_That was toda-? Oh, right!" he chuckled, "That's why I'm here."

The music that had been playing since they arrived came to a stop. They both neared the room where the arcade games would've normally been to find a small stage had been set up and the games removed.

He was a close friend of the group. They were the same guys that dropped him off at their house the second time he got drunk.

They saw them perform '_Save My Soul_' and a cover of I See Stars' _Filth Friends Unite._

"Where's Simon?" Alvin asked once the song was over.

"He's here too." Theo looked around and spotted him.

Jeanette and Simon were sitting near the change machine way in the back of the room, right next to the only arcade game that hadn't been moved.

As the band began playing another song Alvin recognized it. They were rehearsing it when he hung out with them once before, so without even second-guessing it, he neared the stage.

* * *

_www_._y_outube._com_/watch?v=JMSb_ZQ4jWE

Simon's ears perked up as he heard a very recognizable voice. Although filtered through autotune, it was unmistakably Alvin singing in a song that wasn't theirs. For all he knew it was just a voiceover recording and he wasn't really there. Curious, he stopped socializing and neared the stage. He felt the crowd blend in with the atmosphere of the song. Everything seemed to move in slow motion except for him. His heartbeat seemed to have gotten slower, slowing down the intuition that allowed him to perceive his proprioception.

Simon didn't know if those lyrics were directed at him or if Alvin was trying to send him a message, but they make him reflect on his relationship with him. The words that most stood out to him were: 'How_ can you be so blind, I won't believe in you'._ Alvin clearly ment them as a reference to what Simon said when he first cut it off, that they weren't meant to be.

The lyrics were negative, yet he sounded positive when he sang them. Simon came to the conclusion that the only reason they were negative was because they weren't together, and every other aspect of their relationship was positive. If Alvin didn't love him still, his heart wouldn't be breaking the way it was. Simon recalled the harsh words he spoke to him when they last spoke and felt somewhat responsable. He regretted being so rough on him. He knew that if it wasn't for his behavior and lack of sympathy, Alvin wouldn't be like this. Even though he didn't want anything to do with Alvin anymore, he yearned to see that smile on his face again.

He saw Alvin leave the stage and tried to go after him, but the crowd dispersed along with the band once the song was over and he lost sight of him. Alvin was nowhere to be found.

* * *

"What was that about?" Jeanette asked, who was just as confused by what just happened.

"We uh.. we broke up."

"Really? Does tha- I mean, I don't wanna rush things, but does that mean y-"

"Jeanette!" Brittany called from afar, motioning for her to come.

As he stood there, Simon tried to visualize where she'd take their conversation.

"Simon" he heard a voice call from behind and as he turned he felt it again.

The same way their relationship had started, a spontaneous and impulsive kiss.

"_I remember it well. I asked you not to go, but all I heard was the screaming silence of the wind. And just like the wind will always blow through the leaves, I will always remember this as our last lost chance._"  
- 'Vio Vorum Sma' by Olafur Arnalds

* * *

**Author's Note: Sometimes the world wins. I did some research about these Tarot Cards and thought they'd make for an interesting chapter.**

**I know it's only really been a few months since I started posting chapters, but I feel like I've grown as a writer since I first started, but I feel like I really need to leave hurt/comfort alone for a while, so vote in my profile what story you'd like to see from me after I'm done with this one.**


	3. Endorphin & Mirror Neurons

There was a twinkle in Simon's eyes as he pulled away from their kiss. Alvin caught a glimpse of it before it faded to one of confusion. They stared at each other silently, each wondering about the actions that had just happened. Alvin wondered whether that spark meant Simon reciprocated his feelings or if he was just reminiscing about their past together, while Simon wondered if this was the right time to come clean and confess the truth.

"Simon, I-I've got something I wanna say."

If Simon weren't being held back by his shock he would've known exactly what to say, but instead he stammered trying to explain himself. "Wait." He began. "Before you do, I've got something I need to tell you."

Alvin acknowledged his request by staying silent.

"I know I shouldn't've acted the way I did. I know it hasn't been easy for either of us.. I just didn't know what to do; if I could go back to that moment- if I could, I- I guess what I'm trying to say is.. I'm sorry for any trouble I may have caused you."

Simon was about to say it, but his curiosity as to what Alvin wanted to say stopped him as he saw Alvin's expression change accordingly.

"What were you gonna say?" Simon asked.

"Well," he paused, fearing what he'd say would make things awkward. "I haven't been able to sleep since-"

They both remained silent, not wanting to remember that dreadful day.

It was then that Simon decided telling him could wait for now. He wanted to make it up to him, so he proposed a solution.

"If you want we could- nothing like that, just-"

* * *

Lightning strobed into the room; the sound taking a few seconds to catch up, waking up Simon once it reached its destination. He then felt Alvin's tail flickering lightly below them. He turned to find Alvin staring blankly at the ceiling.

Alvin felt his movement and whispered, "I can't sleep."

Simon turned his body to him as Alvin turned away.

"Would you sing me to sleep?"

Simon wanted to come clean and let him know that even though things had changed between them, his love for him never left. Thunder roared distantly as he began to sing.

www**.**youtube**.**_com_/_watch?v=g_RNaug7D14_

_I never thought that it'd be easy_  
_'cause we're both so distant now_  
_And the walls are closing in on us_  
_And we're wondering how_  
_No one has a solid answer_  
_But just walking in the dark_  
_And you can see the look on my face_  
_It just tears me apart_

_So we fight through the hurt_  
_And we cry and cry and cry and cry_  
_And we live and we learn_  
_And we try and try and try and try_

_So it's up to you and it's up to me_  
_That we meet in the middle on our way back down to Earth_  
_Down to Earth, down to Earth_  
_On our way back down to Earth_

_We fell so far away from where we used to be  
Now we're standing and where do we go  
When there's no road to get to your heart  
Let's start over again_

Hearing his voice sing in whispers without any instruments was somewhat hypnotic. His eyes grew heavy as the song neared its end.

He fell asleep within the next chorus.

* * *

Simon awoke later that night to find the other half of the bed empty. If he had to guess, Alvin had been awakened by the thunder much like he was and was unable to fall asleep again. And that couldn't be far from the truth.

As he went in search for Alvin he noticed the thunderstorm seemed to have gotten stronger as it went on. He checked the living room, the kitchen, and the TV room. He began to feel worried when he realized that he wasn't there, so he decided to check outside. He called his name several times as he checked the tree and the rest of the backyard, but he was nowhere to be found.

It was now clear to him that Alvin was having a hard time putting things together. He quickly ran back inside, fearing that he may have run away. The second he stepped into the house he noticed he was soaking wet. He went to his room to quickly dry himself before finally telling Dave when he heard the restroom's door open.

They both stood in silence as they tried to understand what happened.

"Simon." Alvin said as he saw him standing there with a mixture of shock and relief.

Simon approached him as he understood the simple confusion.

All the previous kisses they'd shared were for completely selfish and instinctual reasons; from the kiss they shared on stage, when they were drunk, and even the one on that very day, but this one was different.

The wetness of Simon's fur made it tangible and personal. He could taste water through the smooch that he had placed on his lips. This kiss came from a sincere place, revealing his intentions and his previous worry.

"You have sacrificed a lot of things to be with me. A lot of what you enjoy in life and a lot of the things you're going to want to do are things that you're gonna have to do on your own. The fact that you've made this sacrifice for me doesn't make me feel to good about myself. That's the reason I thought we weren't meant to be." he explained. "I guess, this is just my way of saying that I hope to transcend that and that I aspire to be something more and better than what I am."

"So you _lied_ to me?"

"If you wanna put it like that then yeah, but.. I never said I didn't lie."

"Come on, Si." Alvin said, rolling his eyes. "Let's go to bed."

"But I still have to-"

"You do know I'm an expert at grooming fur, right? You don't just look like this." he said, already sounding like his old self again.

In the end they both knew their relationship would work because of their constant struggles to work with one another. After all, Simon's lies could only be considered selfless. He gave him a chance to find happiness somewhere else, but Alvin was already happy with what he had.

* * *

**Author's Note: ****Now, you might be wondering what that last card with Madame Raya**** was****. ****Sufficed to say it was none other than "The World", which stands for unification, fulfillment, and a successful conclusion. I'm not saying cards really do reveal the future; little unnecessary details like these are for nothing more than aesthetic reasons.**

**www**._**youtube**_.**com/playlist?list=PL2GtycVGTa7Q9trnQZd1r9rV5Z**3**_h_b**-**Z6C**

**This playlist is filled with music that inspired the creation of this story. There's something for everyone, so there might be something that isn't your glass of cake, (cake in a glass is a thing) but I recommend you give all six of them a chance, they're all under appreciated bands. Who knows, one of them might end up being your new obsession.**

**I don't know what my next project is gonna be, but I guarantee you that if it is Alvin & The Chipmunks, it will not be hurt, comfort, angst, or tragedy. It will most likely have a more positive/uplifting mood. You can vote for what story I should write next on my profile. Oh, and I wouldn't kill you if you decided to review.**


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